The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore
by double scotch.single malt
Summary: This is a one-shot split into four pieces from Derek's POV during the weeks after his marriage to Addison fell apart and he began to seek a new life for himself. Written with the inspiration of James Morrison's soulful ballad in mind.
1. Part 1, The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.**

**This is a one-shot split into four pieces from Derek's POV during the weeks after his marriage to Addison fell apart and he began to seek a new life for himself. I'll warn you it is mostly stream of consciousness, but he was really destitute and literally had no one, so he needed to work things out for himself.**

**The only reason why I wrote this ficlet is because of this beautiful ballad from James Morrison called, "The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore", and for some reason it always makes me think of a heart-broken Derek Shepherd, listen if you have the means.**

Lyrics to James Morrison's "The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore":

I've been twisting and turning,  
In a space that's too small.  
I've been drawing the line and watching it fall,  
You've been closing me in, closing the space in my heart.  
Watching us fading and watching it all fall apart.

Chorus  
Well I can't explain why it's not enough, 'Cause I gave it all to you.  
And if you leave me now, oh just leave me now.  
It's the better thing to do,  
It's time to surrender,  
It's been too long pretending.  
There's no use in trying,  
When the pieces don't fit anymore, Pieces don't fit here anymore.

You pulled me under,  
If I had to give in.  
Such a beautiful myth,  
That's breaking my skin.  
Well I'll hide all the bruises,  
I'll hide all the damage that's done.  
But I show how I'm feeling until all the feeling has gone.

(Chorus)

Ooh don't misunderstand,  
How I feel.  
'Cause I've tried, yes I've tried.  
But still I don't know why, no I don't know why.  
I don't know why...... why!

**Part 1 of 4**

Sitting on the small porch of his brand new GulfStream trailer on his newly purchased forty acres of Seattle's best land, Derek Shepherd was convinced he stark raving mad. This had to be his worst idea yet, who knew so much rain could fall and fall and fall, infinitely from the sky? His land broker knew for sure, but that commission for sure stopped him from heeding a much needed warning. He thought of the idea when he was packing up his most prized possessions from that God-forsaken brownstone – _or the pit of hell as he recently started to call it_ – he shared with his soon to be ex-wife. Of course he wouldn't leave New York without his original, signed copy of "The Sun Also Rises", even if she-who-shall-not-be-named gave it to him as a present when they graduated from medical school all those years ago. Poised for greatness, they were. Yeah, right!

Except, when he ran his hand over the worn leather cover of the book that day, he sought inspiration from Hemingway, who was known for returning to the earth and the country and his roots to combat the battles of deep depression he suffered from throughout his lifetime. Even though Hemingway eventually committed suicide to cancel the pain – _an idea that had never crossed Derek's mind_ – the thought of living a more minimalist lifestyle, slowing down to appreciate life, clearing his head and starting over, sounded more than appealing. So appealing in fact, the first thing he did was hire the land broker to show him around. And he had to admit, even with all the 'coons and other industrious wild life trying to encroach on his hospitality, he was relieved to be here and not have to talk to anyone. _About anything. At all. _

The nearby ferry boat was an added bonus, what a way to seek clarity, who needed therapy with a ferry boat around? He always had a thing for ferry boats, so did his father. His father always said, _'Nothing can clear your head like a ride on a ferry boat.'_ Now, in a time when he really did need to clear his head – _and hell, he knew he would need a lot of clarity in the coming weeks when he started at Seattle Grace_ – he relished the thought of those ferry boat rides. _They would help him remain focused; he didn't need any added distractions._ He would have enough distraction as it and so far he had done pretty well at compartmentalizing his problems from his past. He coached himself now – _just smile and be the hot shot neuro-guy from New York everyone is expecting_ – what could be so hard about that, he _was_ that guy, professionally at least.

Hell, he had pretended for so long with his personal life, he could easily do that too. He once loved Addison enough to marry her – _but marriage is work and you have to want to work at it_ – to keep it interesting and exciting. Derek never thought he was the kind of guy who would look outside his marriage for fulfillment, but that was all about to change. His protective bubble he lived in was popped and eventually he was going to have to deal with Addison, he knew he needed to ask her for a divorce. He just worried what his mother might say, which sounds like he is a Momma's boy, but he really isn't – _deep down, he's a good guy who got screwed_ – who also happens to have a mother who would expect him to work on his marriage. The whole thing was so humiliating, he spent one quarter of his life married to and building a life with Addison, only to have her and Mark piss all over it and him in one night!

With that thought he silently chastised himself for the millionth time since he moved. Even with the new job and the precipitous idea of starting over – _what in the hell was he doing_ – besides running? He wasn't good at running, he had never been, he had been good at dealing with the cards he was dealt – _or rather_ – the house of cards he created for himself and his image of a perfect life with Addison Fucking Montgomery. God, he loathed her! After what she did, what they did … fucking each other like animals with no morals, no common decency. Why couldn't she just level with him? Heartless was the word to describe them, everything about them reeked of sex and heartlessness that night.

Derek would always remember the scene unfold before him, it was like being in the room on a dirty porn set – _in an even more ironic twist of fate_ – Addison sat impaled on Mark's cock, facing their bedroom door, _unknowingly facing Derek._

_She was chanting Mark's name with each passing thrust – like he was her king, her lover, her mate – her everything. And in that moment – Derek knew he should have moved – he knew he should have been boiling hot because he was seething and his blood pressure was rising by the second. He was still wearing his cashmere winter coat and a three piece suit for Christ's sake! He should have been hotter than hell – except he wasn't because on the inside his blood ran cold and he was shivering – his nerve-endings were closing off to the scene before him. Addison and Mark were closing the space he held in his heart for them – and within those fractional seconds – they all but died a slow, miserable … yet euphoric death. _

_She was grabbing for Mark's hair, his shoulders – anything to obliterate the millimeters between them – Mark's shoulders had large round red splotches on them from her perfectly manicured fingernails._

_Her wedding bands taunted Derek as they sparkled in the dim light._

_Her milky white thighs were red where his large hands held her in place._

_As long as he lived, Derek would never forget Addison's face when she saw him – still impaled on his best friend's cock, unable to move – and within that moment before her world ended … she had her eyes closed with a tortured look of orgasmic bliss crossing her face, before she grabbed Mark's face to offer her praise in that post-coital bubble we all know._

"Thank God," she mumbled into their heat. She looked up and saw Derek.

_Derek choked back the bile that rose in his throat._

_Mark froze at the intruding sound._

_Time stood still._

_Derek sighed and released a breath he didn't realize he was holding, the bile rose again – the smell of their sex, their crime, their deceit hung in the thick air all around them – no, no … he wouldn't take one more breath in that room._

_He turned on his heel and walked out._

**Part 2 of 4 to follow.**


	2. Part 2, The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.**

**Please tell me what you think. Thanks for the nice note ****GossipGirl17**** and I love you Lola (to pieces, no pun intended).**

**Part 2 of 4**

After that night _– the pieces of his life didn't fit together anymore_ – the life he built in New York was shattered and those pieces were scattered far and wide for everyone to see. Derek felt humiliated and discarded. He was an honorable man, how could this happen to him? His chest tightened at the thought of the pain in his heart.

_They broke him. He was at ground zero._

_He knew he was hemorrhaging and suffocating and dying with each passing moment he stayed in the city. _

_The shards of his life were so small now, long forgotten were the material possessions and his thriving practice; there was no way to mend the bleeders with those things now._

_His skin was breaking, disintegrating; he was drowning in a sea of nothingness at warp speed and Addison and Mark's betrayal was his anchor. His life in New York was over._

_So over. _

Continuing down this current path of self-annihilation – _this internal tirade_ – Derek wondered why and how everything got so fucked up. He supposed he and Addison had been sitting idly aside watching their marriage fade and fall apart. Even if he was absent in their marriage – _which he could take responsibility for_ – he didn't deserve _that_, certainly not with Mark. Certainly not with his most trusted best friend and brother by proxy. The hard pit in his stomach started to bleed into molten lava at the thought of that bastard's name, _even now_, all these weeks later. He supposed it would take a lifetime of healing to get over the shambles his life had become because of the two of them. _In a matter of weeks, his most trusted friends, allies and confidants became his sworn enemies._ What do they say, with friends like that – _with a wife and a best friend like that_ – who needs enemies?

He knew one day he would forgive them though because it was in his nature to forgive – _but he would never forget_ – no … never could he forget the dark place their actions suffused him in. He supposed he would first have to stomach the fact that they had so little regard for him to begin with and that could be a challenge he might never be up for.

And when it came down to it, Derek Shepherd was a good man, even when he tried to explain his departure to his mother; he had enough decency to let the sleeping dogs lie (pun fully intended). He was the _better_ man, he could put a brave face on and hold it together in front of his mother for that one conversation and then he could walk away and let the Seattle rain pelt off his misery. His mother pushed and pushed though and he felt terrible telling her the way he did – _on the day he was leaving_ – and only after he was packed and had two hours to get to the airport.

***

"_But Derek, I just don't understand," his mother's voice dripped with dread as she twisted a monogrammed linen napkin in her hands. She smoothed the napkin and folded it in her lap. She took her fingers and lightly ran them beneath her eyelashes, wiping away the small tears that began to pop out of her eyes. _

"_Mother, some things are left better unsaid, if I start discussing this with you, things will only get complicated and involved and frankly, I don't have time, my mind is made up. I know I am being vague and unfair, but it's in your best interest. Trust me you don't want to know the sordid details. I need a change, I spoke with Richard Webber, and he invited me to take a job I could not refuse," Derek tried to be kind but firm in his delivery. _

_His mother took his hands in hers – she was going to beg now and probably bring God into it – if only she knew what Addison and Mark had done. The truth was that they dismantled a lot more than Derek's marriage that night. And he wasn't going to be the one to tell his mother about the mutual selfish indiscretions of her only daughter in- law and her beloved adopted son! Telling her would just break him more and he really didn't think he could handle the humiliation in front of his mother, let alone his sisters. The women in his family always had a way of banding together. On top of that they treated Mark like he could do no wrong for some odd reason. Mark and his sexual indiscretions went together like peas and carrots and no one expected more from him in this department. So somehow Derek knew the brunt of the blame would eventually rest on his shoulders and he wasn't about to tolerate that._

"_Derek, don't try to shield me, is this a midlife crises? Surely Addison is not supporting this job opportunity, have you thought about what this will do to your marriage … your plans to have a family … your future? Derek for God's sake, please don't do it," she all but begged. _

_Bingo: and there's God._

_He just needed to get out of there and pronto before he exploded on her and he loved her too much to do that. The idea of a family with Addison made his veins pop with a mixture of fury and relief – thank God there were no children involved – it was heart-breaking enough already. If there had been children surely he would never leave them behind, if there were children he would have had to stay in New York. For the first time in his life, he was thankful the selfish bitch was never ready for them. What a blessing. Derek felt frustrated now, it was time to cut the cord._

"_I'm sorry it has to be this way. I have a plane to catch – once I get settled and figure out where I'm going to live – I'll call you. For now, you can reach me on my cell phone or at Seattle Grace Hospital," he said, standing up. She followed his lead; he looked into her hazel eyes and then hugged her tight. Even though he was taller than she was, her hug was all-consuming and felt warm and familiar. Just the perfect amount of love that he was sure it could repel kryptonite. "I love you Ma, I really do and I know what is best for me and this is it, trust me … you're just going to have to take this on faith," he muttered with all the strength in his heart._

_Derek left then, he would never forget the defeated look on her face, but he would hate to see the horror in her eyes once she learned the truth, and that was something he for sure couldn't stomach. Anything would be better than that. _

_***_

Derek stood up and took one large gulp of the refreshing air forty acres in the middle of nowhere could buy. He took the last sip of his beer and turned into the trailer to get ready for the evening. The Chief wanted him at this hospital function for the new class of interns. With any luck he could be out of there in a couple of hours, he had to just smile and be gracious and warm. He could do that, after all even if Addison and Mark had stripped him of his pride, he was still a brilliant, gifted surgeon with a reputation most neuro-guys would die for. He certainly didn't need any more enemies and in truth he could use some new friends.

He had already read all there was to read about the illustrious Preston Burke, the only other candidate SGH who would compete with Derek for the Chief's position if and when he decided to retire. Preston Burke was sure to be there tonight. Derek was sure that Preston had done his homework and read up on him too. Match point, he guessed. Derek could spot his kind from a mile away, the kind who takes only calculated risk, the kind who relies on past performance rather than ingenuity for the future. On paper and in practice Preston Burke was brilliant, but in life, Derek was sure he met many a cardio fellow like him before, brilliant with a God-complex and feathers easy to ruffle, this should be fun, he thought wryly.

Derek stared at himself in the mirror of his one-room wonder. He looked impeccable, clean-cut, fresh and new, but the suit was all wrong. The Chief said to dress casually, but New York at its most casual was like Seattle at a formal affair. The Derek Shepherd of New York would have worn a suit. The Derek Shepherd in the mirror was the guy Preston Burke was expecting. He wasn't that guy anymore, even if he was just hiding all the damage that was done. He was here to reclaim his life; he didn't see the need to start off like the Derek Shepherd of New York would have … _in a suit. _

He took the suit jacket, tie and shirt off and donned his new favorite shirt … _a deep red button-down_. He added a more casual pair of pants. He looked sharp, yet casual. He took one hand and raked his fingers through his locks. His hair looked mildly disheveled, but much better than the perfect slicked back coif he typically sported. Now, his hair matched the idea of rugged-exterior Derek. Despite his sullen eyes – _which only time and sleep would repair_ – he suddenly looked younger, not so stuffy, and definitely more Seattle-ish. Satisfied, he grabbed his keys and headed for the door.

**Part 3 of 4 to follow.**


	3. Part 3, The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.**

**Please tell me what you think. Thank you Lola, for always coming to my rescue when no one comment, lol. Thanks also to ****one2run5**** for the more than awesome note!**

**Part 3 of 4**

As hospital functions go, it didn't matter what side of the country one happened to be on, they were all the same and Seattle Grace was no different. After an hour or so of watered down drinks, mediocre fare and dull conversation with a bunch of basically socially inept over-achievers, Derek searched for the Chief to say goodnight.

"Hey Chief, I'm thinking of taking off, if that's okay," he stuck his free hand out in a gesture, the Chief shook it firmly.

"Derek, glad you could make it, and I'm glad you're here with us," Richard placed a hand on Derek's shoulder. "There was someone I was hoping to introduce you to – ah _Ellis Grey's daughter is joining the program as an intern _– bright young woman, she was just here, but it seems she slipped out…" his booming voice trailed off as he scanned the crowd.

"Well, Richard, that's some pretty impressive pedigree there, you must be pleased," Derek downed the rest of his weak scotch and put his glass down a nearby high top table. "If memory serves, Ellis Grey was over at the Mayo Clinic the last I read, how does she feel about her daughter joining the program here?"

"I presume she is thrilled to have her daughter follow her footsteps," Richard sighed, but Derek sensed there was something deeper flowing through his mind. "Well, Ellis and I were … we were friends – _well residents here together at Grace –_ but that was twenty odd years ago, I haven't seen any of the Grey family since then…," he said evenly.

"Not to worry Chief, I am sure we will all see a lot of each other beginning tomorrow," Derek chimed in.

"Alright, get out of here and get a good night's rest out there in the woods … I'll see you at what, 10:00 AM?"

"You bet, thanks again for the opportunity Chief, I won't disappoint you … goodnight," Derek held his hand out and the Chief took it for a final firm shake.

Derek left then with a cursory nod to Preston Burke (who was dressed up as predicted, with a woman on his arm and another one falling all over him).

As he exited the hospital, he realized he needed a lot stronger of a drink to quell his nighttime blues. Ever since he moved, sleep had evaded him. Images of Addison and Mark haunted him whenever he closed his eyes. Every night he attempted to coax sleep to come for him – _he welcomed it and he tried his best to surrender to it _– but he was forever unsuccessful. He said a small prayer for sleep to pull him in tonight. He was bone tired and needed a break from his nightmares. Long gone were the days of peaceful slumber, which was ironic considering the quiet peacefulness of the land and trailer he just traded for his life in the city that never slept! Nights alone were terrible, that's when the self-doubt would creep in and all he could do is hope for a sign, the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel – _anything to let him know he made the right decision_ – _something_ to rekindle his hopeful optimism.

He spotted the bar across the way and made a split-second decision to head there even though he had to be at work the next day. It seemed the local watering hole for hospital staff did not change drastically from coast to coast either; the place reeked of doctors (and stale beer). He walked up to the bar anticipating the first sip of his poison of choice. The bartender seemed nice enough, a little light in the loafers for a big burly man like that, but nice enough all the same. And smart too, he didn't try to engage Derek with small-talk.

Drink in hand Derek made his way to a table in the back against the wall. The dim lighting and small crowd was nice, the quiet lull of conversation and the low volume of the television added just enough distraction. He thought about the fresh start he was trying to create for himself – _he needed to be free from his demons _– they were just drowning him as he tried his best suppress his memories. If only he could wet his fingers and dampen the angry rage of fire that burned within him. He half-heartedly believed he could start over, fresh, with a new beginning – _a big time do-over_ – but he knew his past would inevitably catch up with him and it was just a matter of time.

At least Addison's desperate cell phone messages stopped. Maybe she finally started to deal with her own conscience instead of crying and pleading to him that she needed to know what to tell everyone. And Mark, at least he had the sense not to call at all. He realized the other day that it had been at least _fifteen_ _years_ since there hadn't been more than a few hours each day in between talking to either one of them, and now, it had been weeks since he had talked to them at all!

Derek knew he needed to start with the divorce and deal with the fallout from his family and he didn't want replay the horrid details – _he didn't want the pity part and of course all the ferocious pairing off_ – trying to guess who would side with whom. The situation was embarrassing and hurtful and he wanted to be an avoider for a little while longer, just so he could be alone to absorb all that had happened. _Alone, which is something he never really has been in his life. _

_He knew starting to work would help him. Over the last few weeks he had too much free time on his hands, he just needed to get back into the OR where he felt in control and alive. Vulnerability for a surgeon was like death, so was staying out of the game for too long. He felt like he needed to jockey into position and as ego-driven as it was, he felt the need to cut. Not for sport, but to save someone, someone less fortunate than him, someone with a fucking brain tumor! He wanted the pieces of his life and his history to make sense again; he longed to fit into his own skin – and in the OR – he would. He needed to renew his hope, work would help with that, there was nothing more hopeful than saving a human life._

The chime of the bells over the doors snapped Derek out of his reverie and his brain switched gears. A small willowy woman with luscious blond locks and an angelic face drifted through the door like a breath of fresh air. He swore the fragrance of some kind of flower whipped through his nostrils and stuck there … masking his senses. She headed straight for the bar without looking around and sat down with her back facing Derek.

_Wow, was all his brainless brain could muster. _

He watched her curiously for a moment, intrigued by her, by her outward confidence. She must have smiled at the bartender because his eyes were twinkling now despite his obvious preference for the opposite sex. He poured her a shot glass with an amber liquid and she downed it without a second thought. Derek heard her melodic voice.

"Keep 'em coming," and he smiled at her bravado.

_He thought about second chances then. Would he find one here in Seattle? Long ago, Derek believed in true love and soul mates and he knew now Addison was not the latter. Her love was conditional and he wanted and expected more, but he knew he wouldn't get that from her. Sure, he loved Addison enough to marry her, but it wasn't enough to sustain him or them. How would he know when the love he had for someone would be enough – when that love transcends above all other things that matter in life – that no matter what happens, he would still be holding that person's hand at the end of the day? _

Derek didn't know the answers to these questions, only that he wanted to find out. He was a good, honorable _and_ decent man and he knew deep down, he deserved a second chance. He was here to reclaim his life and move on from this moment, he wanted something _magical_.

He trained his eyes to the woman at the bar again, now on her second shot. She was delicate; young. The dim overhead lighting cast a halo-like light onto her, illuminating her beautiful shoulders and hourglass curves. He silently stopped himself from objectifying her, before realizing in a strange way _– he was well within his right to watch and notice and be intrigued by this woman_ – a woman other than Addison. Not to say because he was married he never noticed other women, it was just such a natural reflex to move on quickly when he did. He hadn't dated, let alone been intimate with another woman in about sixteen years … but he guessed all that would come with time.

He smiled to himself again for the first time in weeks. The woman in front of him seemed to be daring or bold or dare he say it, _magical_. Swiftly, he felt the spark of hope he was looking for with a surge of new energy. He could feel that invisible fishing line reeling him in, pulling him out of the murky water until he stood up. Hope was indeed glorious.

And at that moment he knew that all he wanted was Seattle and his land and his trailer – _and without a shadow of a doubt_ – that he _had_ to meet that woman. With renewed fervor, lingering trepidation, and a small amount of peace in his heart, he made his way over to meet her.

**Part 4 of 4 to follow.**


	4. Part 4, The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.**

**Please submit a review for this story, I truly hoped you enjoyed this introspective on Derek Shepherd and it would mean a lot to me to hear from you!  
**

**Part 4 of 4**

_Booze and loneliness do not mix. Derek knew this and he was sure the gorgeous woman beside him knew this too. He wasn't sure how long they had been sitting together, but slowly they began to move closer to each other so that now their forearms were relaxed against one another's. The smooth façade of the uninterested woman he first encountered was beginning to soften. There was one thing about her, she was a giggly, fantastically beautiful drunk, and that wasn't the alcohol talking. It was a mystery to Derek how such a small person could consume so much tequila and still be perfectly adorable. He was having far too good of a time to call it quits before she was ready to leave, and she showed no signs of slowing down. _

"I have to pee," she said matter-of-factly as she rotated her seat towards Derek.

She tried to hop gracefully from her bar stool but faltered, and just in time Derek rotated his seat and gently placed his hands on her small waist to steady her. Their proximity closed in around them and from within their bubble he could feel her sweet – _hot breath breeze along his ear and touch the hair on the nape of his neck_ – it shocked his senses. Her flowery scent intoxicated him again and his breathing hitched in his throat when he realized he was still holding onto her.

"Oh, yeah, thanks, so will you still be here when I come back?" she smiled, her green eyes sparkled playfully.

"Yep, I'll even get Joe to get us some water," he said conspiratorially. He trained his eyes on her as she walked away, noticing how her dress hugged her in all the right places. He called Joe over with a raised hand and a nod.

"So, what'll it be and where's your better half?" Joe smiled big.

"Ah, well, ladies room and we need two big tall glasses of ice water, we have to call it quits man –_I don't know about Wonder Woman there_ – but I'm booze-hound tired now, I need sleep," Derek kidded.

"I'm gonna close up here in an hour or so and do the same thing my man, let me get those waters," Joe turned his back and took two large pilsner glasses and filled them with ice and water. He put two straws down on the bar with the glasses, nodded at Derek and sauntered away.

Derek hadn't realized the time; they had been sitting together, laughing and carrying on for close to three hours! He couldn't remember the last time he was engaged for that long without a single thought about the state of his life. Slowly over the course of the hours, the weight of the humiliation he had been shouldering started to ebb.

He felt lighter and more confident and it wasn't because of the flirty banter with his comrade for the evening, it wasn't because she was gloriously beautiful or intellectually sexy, it wasn't because she found him attractive – _it wasn't about objectification at all _– it was about something entirely different, it was … _magical_, or pretty close to it.

He couldn't quite put his finger on what it was, but the tide definitely changed, and it came out of nowhere like the signal of thunder in the theater. Yes, the scene had changed, no longer did he feel like that embarrassed, humiliated and deceived man like he said earlier in the evening – _"he was just a guy in a bar" _– and it felt good.

Again, he wasn't quite sure what it was, but he was fairly certain it was her eyes; they were a captivating green he had never seen before. Derek had a lingering thought that he could stare into those eyes for a long time and never _ever_ grow tired of them. They were deep – _a little heartbreaking for someone her age (whatever that might be)_ – almost as if she had seen everything an old woman would have in an entire lifetime. She really mystified him and he liked to think he had the same affect on her. He was relieved it turned out that his charm hadn't vanished when Addison and Mark snatched his pride.

"Do you think you should check up on her?" Joe asked as he came to their side of the bar again.

"Couldn't hurt," Derek nodded at the suggestion, rose from his barstool and made his way to the restrooms.

He was about to knock on the ladies room door when it flew open and she all but smashed into him, instinctually he found himself steadying her again with his hands on her hips. She looked up at him through her lashes and he could tell her eyes were as tired as his, but she just smiled at him breathlessly.

"So, do you make it a habit of going to the ladies room?" she flirted, her green eyes began to twinkle again albeit the dim light of the hallway.

He moved slightly out of the doorway so she could pass though, but she surprised him by pinning him to the wall across from the door. Derek could feel his heart rate spike as a flash of something insane and completely unknown to him coursed through his body. Without further noticed her lips were on his and her fingers were weaving all through his hair. He was shocked, but caught up with her enthusiasm right away and wasted no time tugging on her bottom lip with his teeth commanding entrance into the soft, warmth of her mouth. Her tongue swept across his teeth and she deepened the kiss again.

They broke away from the impassioned kiss and stared at each other for a brief moment … _both stunned_ … at least he was, what in the hell were they doing? All Derek could hear was their raspy breathing. And then she reached for him again, pulling him to her, but she didn't kiss him right away – _a flicker of something crossed her eyes_ – but within a second her lips were on his again and her unrelenting tongue suffused itself to his in a battle for control. He felt his knees starting to buckle from the pure bliss of kissing this beautiful stranger. Without telling himself to – _he wrapped his arms around her tightly_ – touching the bare skin around her shoulders and neck, she moaned with pleasure as he kissed her senseless right back.

Minutes later they broke from each other for air again, their foreheads touching, eyes piercing one another, Derek pushed a stray piece of her long blond hair behind her ear. She reached up and placed her delicate, slender fingers on his chest, but as soon as she felt his racing heart sear her fingers she moved that hand and looked at him with questioning eyes – _silently asking him if he was okay_ – and then she teased. "You know in some states we could get arrested for this."

He felt shocked that he was so close to making the conscious decision to do more than just kiss this woman, and what was even more incredulous to him was that she wasn't about to hesitate! He looked into the deep pools of her remarkable green eyes again as they smoldered with desire, beautiful was all he thought, and he felt all of his problems fade away.

He caressed the side of her face with both of his hands and gingerly moved his fingers down to her shoulders and then to her waist. She moved her hands down to his waist and tugged on the top of his pants. He brought one hand up and placed it over her racing heart and felt her nipple pucker at his touch through the thin black fabric of her dress. That was all it took … he was a goner.

She gasped and goose bumps broke out along her arms instantly. She shivered. Her eyes searched his for a beat longer and he nodded to her, yes, he was fine – _more than fine_ – his hardened cock was straining against his pants for God's sake, he pulled her even closer still and without words showed her just how fine he really was. She held him close and let out a sigh that came out sounding like a moan and a giggle.

The drowning sensation he felt was dissipating. He felt alive for the first time in a long time. His heart was on fire, his body was tingling, his nerve endings sprung back to life, vessels of all shapes and sizes were filling with blood and he could finally breathe again. Maybe love at first sight wasn't a beautiful myth after all, he thought wryly.

"Well, you better let me take you home then," he said in the most even voice he could muster, hoping against all hope that she wouldn't change her mind. Sex or not, he was alive, his hope was restored and he was ready to reclaim his life as his own again.

She smiled encouragingly with her eyes as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder. He felt her arm snake tightly around his waist as they waved to Joe and walked out of the bar and into the damp Seattle night where Derek Shepherd started on the path to that leap of faith he was destined to take.

**The End of the Beginning**

**(of one of the greatest love stories ever in progress)**

***

_I think Derek Shepherd got the shaft, I think his life was in shambles after what happened to him in New York and for a long time I wanted to explore what might have been going through his mind (or any other person who might walk in on his wife and best friend) I think it is something that never really leaves you and I think in some ways he still had an internal battle going on with what Addison and Mark did to him._

_He was so afraid not to be perfect that he lost himself somewhere in the process and I think he is now learning from his mistakes and his journey of self-discovery is leading him towards being that guy, the guy he wanted to be, the dreamy, arrogant, yet loveable guy he projected to Meredith in Season 1. _


End file.
